In the Fast Lane

highway  blizzard   photo

Winter: a curse for some, a challenge for others. A cross-country skier was taken into custody after violating a series of traffic regulations, for indecent exposure and obstruction of justice. The man, identified only as Rolf E., a professor of English at a private college in another state, was observed by highway patrolmen as he “double-poled” himself at a steady pace in the emergency lane of the Interstate, in the opposite direction of vehicle traffic, wearing nothing but a reflective vest. In addition to stormy blizzard conditions and the bone-biting temperatures of the polar vortex, the officers were surprised to face fierce resistance from the extreme sportsman. He initially eluded capture by zigzagging his way across the lanes, taking advantage of the slippery road surface and slow car traffic. His flight eventually came to an end in a pothole, with a broken ski. He was tackled to the ground, handcuffed and had his ski boots removed, because the skis would not unbind, preventing his transport in the patrol car.

The Way We Were

junk furniture  photo
Photo by d-q

“I was amazed by her natural intelligence and the way she didn’t flinch when she had to drive me in a stick shift car with my leg in a cast,” he said. “Not to mention how beautiful she was. She would’ve been super sexy even wearing a traffic cone.”

“Jim was tall, dark and handsome, the kind of guy women trample on each other to ask out on a date,” she said. “And his voice. I got goosebumps just from listening to him read billboards on the street. We went on a few dates, then moved in together.”

“It was a first for both of us,” he said. “Lisa cooked the most delicious cheese on toast in the world. She was finishing dental school. I was already a manager of a big department store.”

“Weren’t you just department manager when we met?” she asked.

“What does it matter? Everyone turned to me for the important decisions,” he said.

“It’s not that important. I’m just saying.”

“It was hard work, you know. If you care to remember. I didn’t have a dad to offer me his old dental office straight out of college,” he said.

“I graduated summa cum laude. Wasn’t your boss, that older lady, you know, the one with the earlobe hernia from wearing heavy earrings, kind of supportive of your promotions? She adored you, didn’t she.” she said.

“Since when are you so considerate of details?” he asked.

“I consider details and am considerate of others,” she answered.

“For the sake of detail, then, how about preparing a complete three-course meal and not using your teeth in places you’re not supposed to?” he asked.

“Shut up.”

“You shut up.”