In the Fast Lane

highway  blizzard   photo

Winter: a curse for some, a challenge for others. A cross-country skier was taken into custody after violating a series of traffic regulations, for indecent exposure and obstruction of justice. The man, identified only as Rolf E., a professor of English at a private college in another state, was observed by highway patrolmen as he “double-poled” himself at a steady pace in the emergency lane of the Interstate, in the opposite direction of vehicle traffic, wearing nothing but a reflective vest. In addition to stormy blizzard conditions and the bone-biting temperatures of the polar vortex, the officers were surprised to face fierce resistance from the extreme sportsman. He initially eluded capture by zigzagging his way across the lanes, taking advantage of the slippery road surface and slow car traffic. His flight eventually came to an end in a pothole, with a broken ski. He was tackled to the ground, handcuffed and had his ski boots removed, because the skis would not unbind, preventing his transport in the patrol car.

Tunnel

Photo by sizima
Photo by sizima

Suburban woman with a stable family background, fluency in Spanish and French, and a degree in executive motivational training is recovering from the shock of her life. Amber Tilly had never had any weight issues; she owed her splendid, sporty figure to a solid exercise regimen and a healthy diet. In a matter of weeks, her dynamic and successful routine took a turn for the worse, as she lost substantial weight, built up a permanent pallid complexion and a voracious appetite. Friends and co-workers suspected problems in her private life, and some even advised to her to check into rehab. In the face of the physical and emotional strains on her life, and the incessant urge to eat anything and everything, she remained uncompromising in the effort to root out the cause of her condition. After extensive medical examinations, which included anaemia and malaria tests, a CAT scan diagnosed her with a four foot tapeworm snuggled up in her intestines. Doctors are currently feeding her raw lemon and lime juice to combat the worm’s hunger before any surgical steps.